Let me ask you a very serious question: when was the last time you made intense eye contact with your wall?

Because I did that yesterday. And it blinked.

Or maybe it was just a shiny patch of mold. Either way, that’s when I knew I had crossed into a new realm of existence — the one where exterior cleaning becomes more than a to-do list item. It becomes a lifestyle. A journey. A battle between you, your hose, and the ancient filth lurking on your brickwork.

It’s sneaky, this dirt. It doesn’t show up like “Hey! I’m here!” It just slowly… settles. Like a very lazy, very damp guest who overstays their welcome by 11 months.

Take Poole, for example. Seaside beauty, picturesque views, and roofs that grow green beards like they’ve joined a medieval reenactment group. If you’ve ever looked up and thought, “That used to be red, I think?”, maybe — just maybe — now is the time to accidentally click roof cleaning Poole. No pressure. Just moss.

Then there’s Dorset, the land of gentle hills, sleepy villages, and roofs that appear to be trying to grow their own turf. It’s lovely. It’s rural. It’s covered in lichen. One moment your roof is innocent and gray, the next it looks like it’s been dragged through a salad bar. If you’re at that stage, roof cleaning Dorset might be the kind of link you click when pretending to work.

Bournemouth has a different kind of mess. Less moss, more salt. More bird… offerings. You know the ones. The sea breeze gives the illusion of freshness while secretly sticking grime to your gutters like a toddler with jam-covered fingers. If your roof is now a nesting ground for seagull judgment, consider roof cleaning Bournemouth. Or just wear sunglasses and never look up.

Now we arrive in Portsmouth, where buildings age in dog years. The damp air, the constant drizzle, the roofs that have clearly seen too much — it’s all part of the charm. But if your house is starting to look like a shipwreck that washed ashore in 1887, roof cleaning Portsmouth may offer temporary salvation.

And in Southampton? The city of trees and falling stuff. Leaves, twigs, mystery sap, pollen clouds — you name it, it’s on your roof. You go outside for five minutes and return with a twig in your sock and a fern on your porch. If your gutters have turned into botanical gardens, roof cleaning Southampton might stop the madness. Or start a new chapter.

Exterior cleaning isn’t just about dirt. It’s about the slow, creeping realization that everything you own is under constant attack by wind, weather, and whatever lives behind your downspout.

But for a brief moment — after the scrubbing, the slipping, the shouting — your house sparkles.

Then a pigeon arrives. Because of course it does.