Look, I don’t know what happened. One minute I was standing outside with a garden hose thinking, “Eh, I’ll give the patio a rinse,” and the next thing I knew, I was on the phone with Clearview Cheshire booking a full-blown exterior cleaning Northwich session.

It all started with the patio. Slippery, stained, kind of green in places that definitely weren’t meant to be green. So I booked a proper patio cleaning Northwich service. They came out, pressure washed it, and I genuinely stood there watching like it was a live-action cleaning show. Mesmerising.

Of course, that made the driveway look horrendous in comparison. It had oil marks, tyre grime, and a patch of something I couldn’t identify (and didn’t want to). So I added driveway cleaning Northwich to the job. The transformation was wild. Like, neighbours-slowing-down-to-look wild.

Then I noticed the windows. I swear they looked “fine” before. But after the clean patio and driveway? Suddenly they were cloudy, dusty, and embarrassing. Booked window cleaning Northwich without hesitation. The team cleaned the glass, frames, and even those awkward high-up windows you pretend don’t exist.

At that point, I figured why stop now? The side path was looking ancient. Enter pressure washing Northwich again — this time for all the garden paths and the sad little back step. Boom. Sparkling.

And then — because clearly I had no self-control — I looked at the roof.

To be fair, the moss situation was getting out of hand. It looked like something out of a fairytale (not in a good way). So I added roof cleaning Northwich to the ever-growing list. They cleared it carefully, cleaned out the gutters, and somehow made the entire house look ten years younger.

I didn’t mean to do a full makeover. I just wanted a safer patio.

But Clearview Cheshire made it way too easy. Every time they cleaned something, I wanted the next thing sorted. Zero pressure from them — I did this to myself.

Now the house looks like I’m about to host a garden wedding or sell the property for twice its value. Neither of those things is happening… but I could, you know?

Anyway, if you’re thinking about cleaning one thing outside… don’t be surprised if you end up cleaning it all. Slippery slope. Literally.